Uh-Oh

So today our pastor announced that we are beginning a new series : 40 Days of Faith. While this will be good for me and my family, I am nervous at the same time. You see 3 years ago I began a new Beth Moore study with a group of gals and in the beginning I said "okay God I want to get everything out of this that I can" Satan interrupted by making the baby cry etc, but I persevered. Then since he couldn't get me with my time, he got me where I am most vulnerable: fear. Let me just say that I am not as fearful anymore of things outside of the house as I am of those inside and in the dark.
Anyways, at church today I was almost paralyzed with fear. Fear of what kind of Faith I am going to be up against. One of the small group questions was "tell of another person's walk with faith that has inspired you" then "tell of a time where you were to walk in faith" Sure Pete had lost his job for 6 months, and I guess we had to walk in faith, but I also knew that if times got really tough we could sell our house etc. So if our small group was to meet this week, I'd be at a loss of words.
So where am I fearful that I will be made weak? My kids, of course. (Is this a lexapro moment?) And while I was tearing up in church, (trying to think of a new outfit that I want: my ammo when I start to cry) they brought in all of the kids! To show us that our faith will affect the next generation. I lost it.
I guess I have been thinking about this alot lately, anyways, because of a post on another blog,but now that I am going to have to study this point and live it, well, there you go, that is where I am weak. Maybe it is a control issue for me, maybe it is simply a fear thing, maybe life has been a little too easy for me and I just don't know how to handle the unknown.
I just don't know.